When The Temperature Rises*

The flat phone rings at 4.38pm. “Hello,” I say. “Hello my lovely,” Seb says. “How did you know I was here?” I say.  “It’s Monday.  I ought to be at the office.  I mean – I was at the office but I came home because I’ve got a temperature and…” “Oh yes,” Seb says.  “I […]


Death Bed*

“I’m just going to find some clean gym clothes – the purple set – and then when you leave I can go to the gym,” I say to Mum.  We’re at the flat.  Mum is helping me to change my bed.  In fact, Mum is changing my bed and I’m sitting on the floor, watching. […]


The Red Dahlia*

“I’m not sure what I’m going to write about this in the blog,” I tell Mum.  We’re walking around the dahlia show-ground at a nearby garden centre. “Why don’t you write a discourse on the different types of dahlia?” Mum says. “Because that isn’t relevant,” I say. “That’s not what the blog is for.  It’s…” […]


The Dead Songbird*

“Oh, Seb, hello,” my Dad says, answering the house phone.  “Yes, here she is.  Tanya – it’s Seb,” Dad says, passing the phone to me. “Hi darling,” I say.  “How is Friday?”  “Well we did the bird-ringing today,” Seb says. “Wow, how was it?” I say. “It was good: we caught the little birds in […]


Cauliflower Heart*

Waking up from my afternoon sleep, sitting up in bed, switching my phone on, I look at the time.  4.59pm.   Pushing the panther over to the other side of the bed, squeezing out from under his heavy embrace, I make a list in my head of things-that-need-doing: 1.  Washing up that’s in the sink. […]


Hide And Seek*

“Where’s my fluffy?” Mum asks Dad.  Have been out with Mum and Dad has been at the parental home, in charge of the fluffy monster. “He’s inside,” Dad says.  “He came in and I closed the flap, so he must be in the house somewhere.” Dad is wearing his bright purple sweater.  Mum purchased it […]


Turtle Baby*

Happy Bipolar Awareness Day everyone! Am aware of my mental disorder everyday, of course.  So are my parentals and my brother.  There’s never a day that isn’t dominated by my mood – even after sixteen years of illness, treatment, coping strategies and so on. When my mood is up – which is around 60% of […]


The Silence Of The Rain*

Seb has left, taking the sunshine with him. Now the sky is grey, with heavy rain. At the bus stop this morning, all the other girls were wearing tights and boots already. Am resisting winter clothes for as long as possible. Due to the hot flushes, I break out in sweat often. So, even as […]


Tears Of The Giraffe*

“I had such a lovely time,” I say to Seb. We’re sitting in his car outside my gym at 11.50am this morning. “Me too, my lovely,” he says, kissing my shoulder. “It’s been so nice just spending time together.” “I hate this bit,” I say: not wanting to say goodbye, not wanting to get out […]


Death Of A Glutton*

Seb is washing up and tidying the kitchen. Can hear running water and the sound of cutlery clattering as he puts it away. Have escaped to my bedroom for a few minutes to write this. We’ve just returned from the cinema – the Michael Fassbender “Macbeth”. Excellent. Bloody, grimy and beautifully shot. Lots of mountains […]