Love Me Tinder

World Cup time at last, and even if I wasn’t taking a week off, active dating would now be taking a back seat. Ah I love these international football tournaments, I remember, as I leaf through the free newspaper supplements and start to plan my time around the matches.
The tournament is taking place in Brazil and so, because of the time difference, the matches are all taking place in our late afternoon and nighttime – 5pm, 8pm and even 11pm. So no evening dates for the next few weeks.
As I take my rest from meeting chaps, I spend a bit more time looking at profiles on Tinder. Starting to think more about what I like and dislike, I wonder if there could be helpful rules for the boys:

1. Don’t put up group photos.
When flicking through a profile every couple of seconds, it is really annoying to be staring at a group of boys on a stag weekend or after a game of cricket or football or even in semi-darkness in a nightclub, thinking “which one is he?”. And sometimes there will be a hot one in the group, and it won’t be him, and so that is a disappointment.

2. One good photo is enough.
The standard photo gallery of polo one, shirtless one on yacht, flying a plane one, toga party one and one with Labrador or more exotic animal is very nice to look at. It is selling a lifestyle really though, rather than giving the viewer any idea about you, other than that you are not poor.

3. Shirtless selfies photos in pants are all very well if you are just looking for “fun” or “NSA” (no strings attached, I presume). However you can’t describe yourself as an “intellectual” and then put up almost-naked photos, as one chap did (I met him, obviously). Give the ladies some credit, boys: we can imagine your tummies without having to see your toned, tanned, ripped….oh ok, the shirtless photos can stay, come to think of it. Just maybe your first photo should be a profile headshot and surfing one in board shorts can be photo two.

4. Animal photos:
Drugged tiger photos – bad.
Monkeys with leg chains on your shoulder – awful.
Photos of you kissing your spaniel – excellent.
If you have a pet, and love them, show us. It melts a lady’s heart, the sight of a man with his furry best friend. I’ve swiped right on pretty much every profile featuring a boy in a clinch with his dog. The same goes for cats.

5. Photos with children.
Am not a fan of these, but then am not a great fan of small children. Some people are, of course. Borrowing a niece or nephew for a Tinder photo seems too staged to me. Anyone who mentions their own children, often in such phrases as “my two little princesses, Heidi aged 5 and Mia aged three, are the centre of my world,” will get a swipe left. Do not fancy self as a wicked stepmother really.
However it is also bad to give no indication of dad status and then on the first date to say
“I have a wife and two children who I live with. I’m not looking to upturn my life, just for some fun.”

6. If you write anything on the “about me” bit, please get a wise friend or relative to check your spelling and use of apostrophes. It is so important that I can’t emphasise enough how crucial it is.

Hopefully these guidelines will help any young men looking to create a good Tinder profile. Thank you thank you, it’s no trouble at all 🙂

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