“This could be a laugh and interesting if I do it properly,” a chap’s Tinder profile says. Never mind the ghastly sentence construction – can’t stand when people write “a laugh” when they mean “fun”. Although I guess we can’t say “fun” in the context of actual fun anymore, now that it means casual sexuals. […]

Still no word from the Iceman which must mean: a) He has been kidnapped by aliens, taken back to their planet in the Horsehead Nebula where there is no wifi or phone signal and is being forced to do Rude Things with them b) He has dropped his phone down a drain where it has […]

Am “resting” at the the parental home at the moment: rampaging around their hot glass house – imagine living in a microwave on full power that leaks all over you when it rains. Am not quite sure for whom this is meant to be a rest. Certainly not for Mum who is woken up to […]

No word from the Iceman since Sunday. We’re meant to be meeting this week, and it’s now Monday, which means we will have to meet on Wednesday or Thursday as tomorrow I have Plans. A magazine photo-shoot in fact, of which more later. And then am Abroad. He was away in Iceland visiting his sons, […]

I’m on the overground train from West Hampstead to Richmond. The young man next to me is reading Geoff in Venice/ Death in Varanesi the Geoff Dyer book, which I remember borrowing from the British Institute Library in Florence. Not one of his best works. “Hello,” I say, fixing him with a mad sultry gaze. […]

“How much sleep are you getting?” My psychiatrist says, his fountain pen an angry hornet hovering above the paper about to strike. “Loads,” I say, as I realise where he’s going with this. “About six hours at night,” adding a couple of hours on to the four I’m managing ATM, “a couple of hours in […]

Bad dream last night about my best friend from school. Discovered yesterday that she’s deleted me from Facebook. In the dream she told me I was boring, stupid, and, worst of all accused me of not understanding the Elizabeth Taylor/ Richard Burton relationship. She maintained that Burton never had a drink problem and that Taylor […]

“You sound and look exotic from what I can see of you?” a Tinder message flashes up. It’s a Bright Young Thing, Howie, aged 28. His eyes-wide-mouth-open profile photo showcases white, even teeth and a great tan. He’s from New Zealand. “If that one just wants casual sexuals you’ve only got yourself to blame, Tanya,” […]