Tindformation

So, there are benefits of meeting all these chaps from many and varied countries and backgrounds. Here for your delectation is a list of some of the stuff I’ve learnt from my first month of Tinder dating:

1. The Icelandic horse has five gaits
2. The fifth gait, racing pace, has to be seen to be believed. It is indescribable: a sort of running, gliding, flying trot
3. There is a World Championship of the Icelandic Horse
4. Not all Australians like rugby
5. Or cricket
6. The ones I’ve met on Tinder prefer their own football, Aussie Rules. Apparently it’s descended from whatever is Gaelic Football (no, me neither). “I’m not just saying this because I’m Australian, but I think if the world could see how amazing Aussie Rules is, it could be massive” Luke (I think)
7. A new acronym: AFY – Ah Fuck Yeah for you non-Australians out there
8. The difference between “your” and “you’re” is a strange, magical thing that, like hieroglyphics, can be deciphered by experts after many years of study but not by anyone else.
“Your beautiful” (sic)
“You’re hard to get into pants” (sic)
“Hey babe your gorgeous” (sic)
“Is that you’re cat in the photo” (sic)
And so on, ad infinitum
9. If Sadie Frost, Demi Moore and Rupert Everett think they’re still famous, they’re not. The under 30s haven’t heard of them
10. Not all boys like football. When I tell them I’m a sportswriter and I’m writing about the World Cup so I can’t miss any matches (heh), a fair few of them say “ugh I can’t stand football”
11. Most say “you write about football. You might be my dream girl” little do they know!
12. Many people don’t like cats (what is wrong with them?). A lot of the boys are not cat people and don’t appreciate my photos of the orange monster
13. If chaps have spawned children they are unlikely to mention them on Tinder. I’ve been on two first dates now with men who have children that they haven’t mentioned until meeting me. Of course there are the profiles which say “my two little princesses are the centre of my world”, but there aren’t many of them
14. Dog or cat in photo = great
Tiger in photo = no. #swipeleft
Baby in photo = no. #swipeleft so hard that get RSI in good arm (left arm)
15. In situations when I’ve ended up telling the chaps that I’ve been through breast cancer surgery, they haven’t batted an eyelid. So maybe foreign boys are less squeamish than my English male friends, who were quite horrified when I told them about my various procedures. I guess Australians are always birthing lambs so the workings of the body don’t appal them or something
16. It is perfectly acceptable to send a lady a first message saying simply “sex?”
17. The virtual world is full of messaging apps. Thanks to my young bucks and their tech-knowhow I now have What’s App (free text messages and picture messages) and Tango (orange. Apparently free video messages. Looks complicated)
18. Young chaps don’t seem to object to buying a lady drinks and dinner and don’t make a fuss about it. Cultural shift again? Or is it conditional? Are they then expecting something back?
19. Tinder is busy enough that one can go on a date or two every day and still have a long backlog of chaps to work through: I’ve got an inbox of 732 matches as I write this
20. Dating doesn’t have to be deathly serious. It can be fun. I’m having some fun.

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