Suddenly This Summer

Bad dream last night about my best friend from school. Discovered yesterday that she’s deleted me from Facebook. In the dream she told me I was boring, stupid, and, worst of all accused me of not understanding the Elizabeth Taylor/ Richard Burton relationship.
She maintained that Burton never had a drink problem and that Taylor never put on weight and…writing this down it sounds ridiculous, but bear with me. In the dream she was showing me these videos which she said the CIA had doctored to make Taylor look fatter as she aged, and Burton look more often drunk as he aged, but that these things were lies and that they didn’t get divorced and remarried and divorced again. In fact they didn’t drink or smoke or fight and were happily married to each other until they died of natural causes in a retirement community in Florida. Taylor didn’t have any further husbands and Burton never lived in Switzerland.
She said that the fact that I believed all the CIA propaganda showed how stupid I was and that I am stupid and that’s why she doesn’t want to be friends anymore. It was all very unpleasant.
Thinking about this now, I think it’s more likely that she doesn’t want to be friends anymore because her Mum died of breast cancer when we were 11 or so. Maybe she thinks it’s in poor taste that I’m writing a blog about my post-breast-cancer-surgery-dating experiences. Maybe it is in poor taste. I don’t know or, it has to be said, care. Surely since I’m not yet dead I can blog about dating and cancer and whatever I want.
Is there something in all that though? Maybe friends and family who are refusing to read the blog and refusing to support me think that the act of writing the blog is somehow tempting fate. Since they won’t talk to me about why they don’t read the blog, I just don’t know. So perhaps the act of writing the blog and meeting the chaps and banging on about it all on the radio and all over the internet is not a good one.
Maybe people who haven’t been supportive of my family don’t want to be reminded of this by hearing me on the radio, or by reading articles I’ve written on topics such as “the language of illness: what not to say to someone with a life-threatening condition”.
Maybe the reason I can’t get a boyfriend is because I am self-obsessed and horrible and nothing to do with the mental disorder and the breast cancer. On the plus side, it is a relief to realise that that Taylor-Burton-CIA-plot story is probably not true.

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2 thoughts on “Suddenly This Summer

  1. My daughter was diagnosed with blood cancer at the age of 21 a year ago this week. This is what I have realised – we never lose friends, we simply learn who the real ones are.

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