“Do you always swipe right for younger guys?” the Czech 28 year old messages me. Let’s call him Vaclav.
“Mainly,” I reply. “Do you prefer older ladies?” He’s not even That Much younger than me, this one. 28 is practically a grown-up.
“I tend to find older women less boring, they are able to teach me something,” he says.
“Well, am sure my brain and experience are superior to your average 25 year old,” I say. “I will teach you things. You can teach me about the Modern World.”
“Why do you prefer younger guys? We are less likely to be ready for commitment as a group,” he states.
“They are more enthusiastic and optimistic and less beaten down by ex-wives, children, failed marriages/ careers/ broken dreams,” I reply.
“Why don’t all women think the same way? Are your priorities different?” He fires back. He’s clever, this one, it seems. Or perceptive at any rate.
“I’m not interested in what other people think really,” I tell him. After all, it’s a bit late in the day to be worrying about that: now I’ve banged on about my various disgusting physical and mental diseases and disorders.
“I like your reasons. Although most people care about what their friends/ family think,” Vaclav writes.
“Obviously if my parents hated a chap I was with, I would listen to them,” I tell him.
He’s probably right though – young Vaclav. My priorities must be different. Of course they are. After all, I’m no longer thinking in terms of do-I-want-this-chap-to-be-the-father-of-my-children or do-I-want-to-spend-sixty-years-washing-this-chap’s-socks, or whatever it is that other people are thinking about whilst on dates. Say that the next round, or the next few rounds of treatment have any kind of success – and who knows what that would even look like – I have to think in terms of one-day-at-a-time. Which is how I’ve always thought about things anyway – ever since first experiencing mood swings at 19.
It suddenly occurs to me that there’s a vampiric side to this whole business: I want to absorb their youth and strength, their bright eyes and clear skin and shaggy hair. If only their health could rub off on me, I think.