Ah the joy of being back at my flat, I think, snuggled in my sofa bed nest in front of the show jumping. Zara Philipps goes clear. The huge horses glide silently over the sand, the only sound the click of hooves on poles and the thud as the poles come down.
It’s sunny in Caen where the competition is taking place. It’s sunny outside my flat too, but after a bath and a day of fending for myself in The Wild I’m exhausted. I’ve already cooked a meal – the first thing I’ve done for myself all week with no parental help.
I’m still ill – in pain from the infection – but tomorrow is Monday and Monday means Office. Somehow between now and 8am tomorrow I have to recover. The infection and temperature and maybe even the antibiotics have made me feel so awful that I haven’t spoken to any of my chums for a week, so I decide to make a couple of phone calls.
And then I put in a few minutes on Tinder. There’s Lemur Boy coming up on Wednesday but I need to cultivate a few new Bright Young Things. So I add a new shaggy-haired 26 year old artist to my collection; a 25 year old rugby player and a 26 year old playboy. Not sure what, if anything, this last one does but this is what he says he’s looking for:
“Clever conversation…confident, humorous, classy women. Surprise me.”
I message him: “surprise!” And then an octopus emoji. “That is a surprise octopus,” I explain. What could possibly go wrong?
For anyone who is wondering how to remove engine oil from a cat – we have the answer.
1. Squirt peaches-and-cream hand soap onto affected area of cat
2. Dab soap with water, but don’t soak cat to the skin
3. Rub with towel
4. Cat now clean with delicate peaches-and-cream fragrance
Now for the Peter Ustinov version of Evil Under The Sun recorded earlier. Haven’t seen this one for a while. Then supper, bed and all too soon it will be Office. Can’t wait…