Don’t Look Now

“Don’t look now, but it’s him,” I say to Katerina, my trainer. Although I’m trying to whisper, I’m also trying to do lunges carrying a Bulgarian Bag – a ghastly baguette-shaped cushion filled with something very heavy.
“Who?” She says. “Try and get a bit closer to the floor, that’s better.”
“GymnastTwat,” I say. “He told me he trains here sometimes. It’s definitely him.”
Moving over to the wall, I attempt to get a better look. Referring back to an earlier blog – there is nothing less attractive than a chap perving over his own oiled, sculpted self. And there he is – clad in a sleeveless black top and baggy, low-slung shorts and bright, white trainers, regarding himself in the mirror with a look of enormous love.
He won’t recognise me, I shouldn’t think. After all, I’m sporting very old Marks and Spencer gym shorts and a horrible pink top and purple trainers and a bit of my hair is in a topknot. Nothing like the me he met.
“He’s such a poser,” Katerina says.
“I shouldn’t have slagged him off so much,” I say. “Sorry, I mean he might ask you out and…well he could be lovely, really. Just because he was horrible to me it doesn’t…”
“Yes, it does,” she says. “Try and get a bit higher with those calf raises. If he behaved like that then he is horrible. Yes, that’s better, good.”
She’s unlikely to go for him, I think. She’s already told me that her ideal man is the lead singer of Green Day.

There are some new boys, at least in message form.
There’s another Dutch one – 36, does something with silver coins – who seems quite taken with me. He asks for another photo, so I send one in which I’m wearing my long multicoloured striped dress.
“Wow, you’re so charming,” he messages me. “Such a fan of dresses.”
“Thank you very much? Or was that sarcastic?” I reply.
“Why would I be sarcastic complimenting you?” He says. “Such a feminine look. Do you always wear dresses?”
“Usually. Sometimes I wear gym clothes. Or very short shorts,” I reply.
“I won’t complain about those either,” he writes. “How can any boy not be under your spell?”
How indeed?
Anyway, onwards and upwards I guess…


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