Don’t Look Now

“Don’t look now, but it’s him,” I say to Katerina, my trainer. Although I’m trying to whisper, I’m also trying to do lunges carrying a Bulgarian Bag – a ghastly baguette-shaped cushion filled with something very heavy. “Who?” She says. “Try and get a bit closer to the floor, that’s better.” “GymnastTwat,” I say. “He […]

Another Country

Another evening, another chap. Same venue – my pub. With all the new blocks of flats going up in the area, we really need more than one pub. The one in my road closed about a year after I moved in and now is about to be turned into flats, like everything else. Anyway – […]

Ice Age

“You seem very bubbly and excited,” CatBoy says. He has two cats (good), is 31 (respectable) and is tanned, blond (nice) and 6 ft 7 (brilliant). “I’m excited to meet you,” I say, smiling at him. “You’re so lovely and tall. I’m a bit of a gigantophile – like Lord Rothschild – I like very […]

Fat Bottomed Girls

Well – one of the girls is me and the other one is Dad, who isn’t a girl. Obviously. And my bottom itself isn’t fat, but am wearing the new internally-padded cycling shorts. It’s our first cycling ride for, oh, ages. Weeks. Since before the infection anyway, which spread to my right arm, making it […]

Death In The Clouds

“So, it’s great to meet you – finally,” I say. I’ve been chatting to this chap for months and yet this is the first time we’ve managed to meet. We’re sitting outside my pub. “I’ve been away a lot,” he says. “Greece, Florida, Prague: I love to travel. Don’t you?” “Um, I can’t really,” I […]

The Hollow

Life is extremely very strange. You may remember the Priest from a while ago. He said there would be a second date on the Wednesday after we met and then…nothing. So, this evening, am watching Cadfael alone, and a Tinder message flashes up, from the Priest. “Missing you. I’m so sorry. Work has been a […]

Destination Unknown

“Are you back from France yet?” The Tinder message flashes up. It’s a chap from a few weeks ago – we chatted before I went on the Writing Retreat. He’s a 36 year old historian – as in he actually works as a historian. So we’ll have something to talk about. And he lives in […]

Partners in Crime

As I drag my ailing self around the gym with my trainer, suddenly I notice an attractive chap. He’s tall with a shock of dark blond hair – looks Dutch. He looks, in fact, like a young Louis Van Gaal, or my imagining of a young Louis Van Gaal at any rate. Never seen a […]