Do You Remember The First Time?

“Hey Tanya,” the What’s App message scrolls across my screen. It’s from a number that isn’t stored. “Who is this? Sorry I drowned my phone and lost my contacts,” I reply. “It’s Jarvis. Berlin dweller. Fan of your muscles,” he replies. Jarvis! You may remember him from an earlier post named This Is Hardcore. Met […]

Blazing Saddles

“I thought you’d forgotten about me,” Suzie says. She’s in my kitchen, chopping vegetables. “I called your parents. They told me you were probably asleep.” “Sorry,” I say. “I didn’t forget about you. I was asleep.” “I know. I saw,” she says. We hug. “Thank you for coming to see me,” I say. “It’s late […]

The Disappearance of Lady Frances Carfax

“Wow, you’re beautiful,” the random chap says as we walk down the street. He beckons to his friend. “Look at her: she’s so beautiful.” Smiling at them with the expression of someone-who-doesn’t-speak-English, I keep walking to the bus stop. Am pleased though: have made an effort and my Look has come together: the leopard-print dress […]

French Women Don’t Get Fat

Date hasn’t been cancelled yet. It’s the half-French sports enthusiast with the very white teeth. He wants to meet at 8.30pm which is a bit late but gives me time to have something to eat first. Don’t want to turn up starving. Am back at clean, warm tidy flat. My darling cousin is here. Can […]