Remember Me?

“Happy New Year. Have a wonderful 2015,” the WhatsApp message streaks across my screen. It’s from the Twitcher. Remember him from last November – we had a couple of dates and then he made noises about meeting again but disappeared. “It’s been a manic start, but the best things at work often come fast and […]

A Taste For Death

Gazing out of the huge gym window, I see that the sun is setting. It’s been a beautiful day – clear blue sky, sunshine. Unfortunately I’ve spent most of it vomiting, resting, watching television and crying. “You’re going to lose your job,” the panther says. He’s draped across the exercise bike next to mine. “I’m […]

Tea For Two

“I couldn’t resist to your smile. Also you’re really sexy. Can I take you out for a tea?” The Tinder message flashes up. It’s from a bright young French thing, age 26. Not sure if am going to meet him yet, but the message makes me smile every time I look at it. The cutie. […]

The Trick Is To Keep Breathing

I’ve been suffering for a worrying problem for the last few weeks. It’s been such an embarrassment that I’ve been unable to talk or write about it. Hopefully it’s over now. If not, I’ve definitely made some progress towards recovery. For several weeks now I’ve been unable to read. This is bad for many reasons: […]

Sparkling Cyanide

“How are you, Tanya?” My plastic surgeon says, beaming his big smile as I sit across the desk from him. Mum is sitting next to me. “OK, I think,” I say. This is the first time I’ve seen him this year. He looks jolly, as usual. It always cheers me up to see him. “So, […]

Staircase

I’m at the bar where I met Jarvis. It has a gallery at the top and tonight it’s packed and noisy. The music is awful, and far too loud. The chap is running late and it’s too dark to read my book. At last I spot a free table up in the gallery and race […]

Ashes To Ashes

“If I go right now, I can stare at that chap again for a bit,” I say to Katerina after I’ve signed for my personal training session in the trainers’ office. “Go for it,” she says, smiling. The Israeli chap, that is: tanned, long blond hair, green eyes, big arm muscles. Have seen him a […]

The Murder At The Vicarage

“Do you think the blog has become boring?” I ask Mum. Mum looks up from The Times crossword. She is wearing periwinkle blue eyeshadow. “Not at all darling, but you give some of these chaps the most terrific build-up, and then they just disappear, never to be seen again.” “That’s not my fault,” I say. […]

A Coat

“Do you like my new coat?” Mum says, holding the coat of my dreams in front of her. It is black, flares out from the waist, a bit puffy. Its best feature is the enormous furry hood. The thing is: Mum doesn’t even like coats. She never wears one if she can help it – […]

Big Girls Don’t Cry

“Hey how are you? I know this might sound a bit weird to say but I wonder if you know or if any of your friends is a large girl,” the Tinder message begins. “Please don’t think I am trying to be offensive or anything…it’s just a preference like any others and it seems really […]