Goodbye To All That

“Biopsies have both come back cancerous.  Going to need a lot of investigations and possible surgery. Don’t have the emotional resources to put into anything else.  Think you are lovely, have enjoyed your company.  If you want to, we can be friends xxx”.  Taking a deep breath, I press send and the message floats through […]

Advertisement

Invisible Monsters

“The biopsies have both come back cancerous,” I text Seb when we arrive home from hospital last night.  “Have to have MRI then other scans to see if it has spread.  Oh dear.” My phone rings.  It’s him.      “Hi darling,” I say, so happy that he’s called.      “Are you ok?” He […]

Nothing Of Importance*

     “What did you think of Wolf Hall?”  Seb’s text message says.       “Haven’t seen yet,” I reply.  He means the final episode which aired on Wednesday.  Was with MediaChap watching ‘Hitler’s Bodyguard’ and ‘The World of War,’ but can’t tell Seb this.  Have been unfaithful to my darling: watching war programmes […]

Deadly Decisions

Pros and Cons of MediaChap Pros: 1.  He is kind and affectionate to me and obviously likes me.  He messages often. 2.  Has read some books. 3.  Thinks am gorgeous. 4.   Has lovely blue eyes. 5.  Has spent time in Israel and is not an antisemite. 6.   Has, as Dad puts it, “a […]

This Is Not An Exit

“So, we’ll just have drinks,” Richard Dawkins the Atheist says to our waitress. Or, as we’re going to call him, Dick. “I thought we were eating?” I say. It’s 7.20pm and I’m hungry and…anyway…it’s not up to him to dictate whether or not I eat something. “I have dinner plans,” Dick says. “Oh,” I say, […]

Mad Pilgrimage Of The Flesh

“It was a bit of an elderly audience, wasn’t it?” Hannah says as I wait with her for her bus in the rain.  We’ve just been to a couple of Jewish Book Week talks.  The first one was “Women in Dark Times” with Jacqueline Rose and Helena Kennedy and touched on Marilyn Monroe, Rosa Luxembourg […]

Busy Monsters

No word from MediaChap since Saturday.  Hope he is OK.  Wonder if he is cross with me about something.  Perhaps he has found my blog or…I don’t know. “Hope you are OK?  Cuddle,” I message him on WhatsApp. “Hey, what’s up?  You at work?” He fires back. “Just some stuff.  Possible lymphodoema in arm, allergic […]

A Kind Of Alaska*

Back at the gym, I gaze out of the window. Darkness falls and the gym ceiling lights are reflected in the glass: throwing yellow oblongs on the slate grey sky. On the television screen, a flock of cranes take off and glide past a mountain range. Must be Natural World. Here’s a polar bear. Maybe […]

Blood Eagle

Lying in bed, reminiscing about my time with Seb earlier in the week. Ah I wish he was still here. Am plotting a trip to see him. Will book a hotel though: can’t stay with him just in case he is still sleeping on a reed mat on the floor, as in his monastery days. […]

A Kiss Before Dying

Things I love about Seb: 1. He’s always appreciative of any effort I make. He pronounced the Mexican Feast “wonderful”. 2. He’s easy to please – see above, and notices what I’m wearing etc. 3. He’s happy just to lie in the nest watching hours and hours of television. 4. He is completely beautiful – […]