“I don’t see why we have to see all the doctors again tomorrow,” I say to Mum when she calls. “We spent all day at the hospital on Wednesday and the oncologist said that we were allowed to go on holiday and…”
“Because they did all those tests last week and they need to give you the results,” Mum says. They took biopsies of a lump on my remaining boob and tested the lymph nodes.
“So why can’t I just see my surgeon? Why do I have to see the oncologist as well?” I say, feeling scared and trapped. Can’t they ever just leave me alone for a few days.
“I suppose,” Mum says. “It’s because they were testing a lump to see if it’s cancer and…”
“But the oncologist told me last week that I don’t have to have more chemo,” I say. “He said I have to take that horrible stuff, which I’m taking, and then he said to enjoy our holiday and…”
“Are you worried that we won’t be able to go on holiday?” Mum says.
“No, I’m worried that the new lump is a more aggressive cancer,” I say. “And that I’ll have to tell Seb and that it will ruin our weekend and…”
“Well there’s no point in worrying about it,” Mum says. “We’ll just have to see what they tell us. After all…”
“They never tell us anything nice,” I say. “What would be, I guess, the best outcome is if they say that the lump is slow-growing and that I can have a nice new boob before the cancer spreads to the skin and…maybe a little procedure of my choice for free, as an apology for all the horrible ones. Maybe teeth whitening?”
Mum laughs. “They’re not going to agree to that. It’s far too expensive. You ask them,” Mum says, sounding cheered up. So that’s the main thing.
Lucy suggests that I take Seb an Easter egg as a present and “hide it somewhere in the house/ garden for him to find on Easter Sunday.” So that’s that one sorted anyway. Have been stressing about what present to take. Will find a beautiful egg, and that’s a sweet, thoughtful gift. Don’t want to buy him something too expensive and he’s not that into Stuff: he’s still wearing the same clothes that he wore ten years ago when I first met him.
On the plus side: there are some beautiful camellias flowering everywhere. Photo attached.
Happy Tuesday evening! Have a dinner date with Inspector Lynley…
*2013. Patricia Smith Wood. Detective novel.