Rules Of Murder*

The washing machine is blinking to tell me that he needs unloading and the washing must be hung up and…no…I just can’t.  Later.

Reading magazines so you don’t have to: today’s gems:

1.  “A U.S. Study found participants to be more likely to expect a date to get intimate after downing a sugary drink. It’s thought that during a sugar rush, your brain associates sweet flavours with the concept of romance.”

2.  “1.70 – the height in metres under which men have a 32% lower divorce rate.  Lower your standards.”

That’s about 5 ft 7, so had better split up with Seb right now as he’s too tall.  Don’t want us to get divorced.

3.  “Do you know what really excites us these days? Wraps. Just wheat flour, water and a little olive oil, these bad boys offer taste and texture – plus the preparation possibilities are endless.”

Look no further than the Mexican section of your off licence for real excitement then.

4.  “It’s a thing…drinking vinegars.  If you’re only using vinegar to spruce up your salad you’re missing out.”

Don’t miss out!  Take a swig of that Balsamic vinegar now!

5.  “Looking for your new quinoa?  Meet millet – the seed that’s currently causing a whole lot of buzz in the health food world…time to get in bed with your new store cupboard staple.”

Available in the Budgie Food section of your pet shop.  Wouldn’t get in bed with it though, it will be very itchy.

6.  “Couples who watch films about relationships together – and then discuss them after – are half as likely to split up within three years as couples who don’t bond over cinema.”

They will, however, just have spent three years watching films about relationships, the poor creatures. So they’ll be unlikely to regard the process as having been worth it.

7.  Apparently, Fidel Castro has slept with 35,000 women.  “Two women a day – after lunch and dinner.”

But not, it seems, after breakfast.

8.  “Fill an ice tray with milk.  Massage a cube on your face.  The lactic acid lifts dead cells and the cold eases puffiness.”

Definitely not going to bother with this one.

9.  For a mere £5,674, you can experience a 14 night “360 degree detox” in the Maldives, to get that elusive bikini body.  

Is important to detox all the way round your body. No point in a 180 degree detox, or the budget 90 degree detox.

10.  For a mere £2,400 you can buy an exercise bike that nestles inside a curved blue plastic screen, so you can exercise in the office without anyone noticing.

Excellent!  This one would really like.  Will just add this to the stationery order.  No-one will even notice.  Is not much more than a pack of staples…

Happy Monday evening everyone!

*2013.  By Julianna Deering.  1930s period murder mystery.

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