“I’m sorry darling,” I say to Seb, as we’re sitting up in bed this morning drinking coffee. “I have to get out of here. Mess and disorder has a bad effect on my mental state and…”
“No, I’m sorry,” Seb says. “I was hoping to have packed everything by now it’s just…you know how it is.”
Looking at all Seb’s belongings strewn over the floor: books, lamps, pieces of paper – I feel despair. The panther lies on top of a pile of papers. He looks uncomfortable: he shifts his weight around but can’t settle. Eventually he climbs on top of the wardrobe and lies there, huge front paws dangling over the side.
“I suppose I thought I’d be able to help you,” I say, attempting to explain. “But in fact mess paralyses me and, really, my mood is low at the moment. If my mood was up I’d be able to be helpful, but I’m too tired. And the only thing that will make me feel better is if I can go and write my blog somewhere.”
“Right, let’s find you some internet,” Seb says. They’ve cut off Seb’s internet in the flat.
“And,” I say, “I know this will seem annoying but I can’t be around whilst someone is hoovering because the dust aggravates my nasal disorder.”
Seb laughs and kisses me. His turquoise eyes sparkle. “I know my lovely.”
So, I’m sitting in a cafe, drinking a Diet Coke. Seb is back at the flat packing up. And of course now I’m writing this I’m already feeling better and calmer. A marching band has just walked past. It’s good to be out of the flat.
Attached photo is a mosaic near the beach here.
Happy Sunday everyone!
*1957. By Carlo Emilio Gadda. A masterpiece.