Death In Holy Orders?

“Hello beautiful xxx I’ll look forward to seeing you soon I hope xxx” the Captain’s What’s App message comes through at 10.22pm. So, the Captain either doesn’t read that newspaper or doesn’t read the section full of my mad, fat, cancerous dating self or doesn’t mind. Which is nice. “Yay! Thursday!” I reply, in case […]


The flat phone rings at an unearthly hour, jolting me out of a deep sleep. Ignoring the persistent ringing, I pull the covers up over my head and attempt to fall back to sleep. But this is not to be. The alarm kicks in, and I can’t ignore that on a Monday morning. Hauling myself […]

Missing Parts

“I’m free on Thursday but I’d like to see you before then,” the Captain’s message arrives – finally – eleven hours after my reply to his previous message. Phew. He hasn’t gone off me already. A dull messaging discussion ensues in which it becomes clear that Thursday is indeed the earliest that we can meet […]

Design For Living

“Operation on 21st. Please come on 18th? Hope 18th still possible?” I message Arjen on Facebook. Forty five minutes later, he messages me back. “I just booked. In on 18th and out on 19th.” “Yay! Can’t wait to see you!” I say. “I’m in the wrong business. I should have been a hotel owner in […]

Taken At The Flood

Rain falls out of a dull, grey, featureless sky. Autumn has arrived. For the first time in months, I’m wearing trousers and proper shoes rather than a sundress and fit-flops. My black-and-silver-star-hologram toes are covered up. My mood is dropping. In an attempt to foil it, I’ve raised the dose of my anti-depressant. Theoretically, increasing […]

Tank Trouble

Ah a new chap at last! Haven’t met him yet but am a bit too excited about this. He’s 6 ft 3 and he’s 43 years old and he looks gorgeous and he does something in the army. Me: Do you have a tank (I love tanks) Captain: I can drive a tank but I […]