Scaredy Cat*

“What are you doing?” I ask Mum from underneath my furry blanket. “Just moving some photographs around,” Mum says. “Why don’t you sit here with me and do the crossword?” I say.  “You’re always saying that you want to see me, and now I’m here you…” “Finished the crossword,” Mum says.  “Anyway, you’re writing the […]

The Brides In The Bath*

“So, what are you doing this evening, my lovely?” Seb says when he calls last night at 7.03pm. “Oh, you know,” I say.  “Supper, watch that London Spy thriller from last night and…” “Oh, it’s good,” Seb says.  “You’ll like it and…” “Well don’t tell me about it,” I say, chopping some broccoli, putting it […]

Cold Killing*

“Seventeen degrees,” Dad says, looking at the temperature gauge in the car when he picks me up from the station at lunchtime today.  “It’s a warm day.  It’s much colder than that in our house.  And we’ve got a new leak in the roof.” “Whereabouts is the leak?” I say. “It’s in a new place,” […]

The Red Dahlia*

“I’m not sure what I’m going to write about this in the blog,” I tell Mum.  We’re walking around the dahlia show-ground at a nearby garden centre. “Why don’t you write a discourse on the different types of dahlia?” Mum says. “Because that isn’t relevant,” I say. “That’s not what the blog is for.  It’s…” […]

Day Of Atonement*

“Are you coming back to synagogue with me then?” Mum says.  I’m sitting on the parental sofa under my furry blanket; Dad dozes in his armchair; the fluffy monster rests in his rose chair.  You can see him in the attached photo. “I can’t,” I say, sipping my coffee.  “Have to write the blog or…” […]

Murder In Time*

“What time do you call this?” Mum says, marching into my bedroom. “I’m asleep,” I say, from under the covers.  “I’ve come here for a rest, remember.” “Well it’s six o’clock.  In the evening,” Mum says, opening my curtains.  “You’d better have a bath.  I know you didn’t have one yesterday because…” “I did,” I […]

Murder In The Bath*

Waking up with a start from my afternoon sleep, I look at my watch. Six o’clock in the evening.  The whole day has vanished and there’s so much to do. “You could make me a cup of coffee, if you wanted to be useful,” I say to the panther and he just stretches and climbs […]

Downward-Facing Death*

Can do some stuff to stop mood getting any more elevated: 1.  Keep away from the Internet – hence why am only just writing this now.  Technology is not my friend at the moment, sadly.  Can’t work things.  2.  Rest. 3.  Keep away from shops, restaurants and public transport.  Am cancelling all my plans up […]

A Vindication Of The Rights Of Woman*

Happy International Women’s Day everyone.  Unfortunately am spending it: making self look pretty for my Seb; cooking, cleaning and waiting for him.  He is, of course, running late: he’s lost his phone and so on.  As MadFatRunner says, am “a slave to the Patriarchy.” “He does seem to have a somewhat calamitous relationship to logistics,” […]