Rushing to Paradise

Waking up with a start as the alarm bleeps, I realise that it’s five o’clock in the afternoon. Meeting MediaChap at seven for our second date. Not going to have time for a bath: it’s going to be a quick wipe with a baby wipe and then a few sprays of Coco Mademoiselle on top […]

Dressed To Kill

Before leaving the house for tonight’s date with MediaChap, need to: 1. Have bath and even wash hair. 2. Clean contact lenses: am one of the last people in the world who still wears gas-permeable lenses. Can’t just open a packet and take out some new lenses: have to mess about with two different solutions […]

Murder Must Advertise

“You’re not going to make it to the office tomorrow,” the panther says. “You’ve been asleep almost all weekend, when you’re awake you’re crying and…” “You’re wrong,” I tell him. “Am looking forward to getting my teeth into some Work tomorrow.” “You’ll be late, your boss will be cross with you. Just stay here with […]

Mrs Beeton’s Book Of Household Management

Waking with a start, I switch the light on. 5.35pm. Suzie will be here for dinner at 7pm. “You haven’t got time to write your blog,” the panther says, stretching his front paws down the bed, pushing his bottom up to the ceiling. “I’ll write my blog first,” I tell him. “You need to tidy […]