Murder On Safari*

“This is nice,” I say as we walk through the safari park.  “Going out for the day, like a normal family.” “We’re not a normal family,” my brother says.  “In a normal family the children aren’t thirty three and thirty six or…” “That’s not what I mean,” I say, as a wallaby hops past.  “What […]

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Holes*

“Look,” Mum says, pointing to the grass at my feet.  We’re standing in the  parental garden.  Looking down, I see a small hole, about four centimetres in diameter.  You can see it in the attached photo. “What is it?” I say. “No one knows,” Mum says.  “The garden is covered in them, look.” Walking around […]

The Beauty Of Murder*

“Would you like a little wheelie suitcase?” Mum says as we sit having our lunch.  “I’ll ask your father to get it down from the loft and…” “No, it’s OK,” I say.  “I’ve got that weekend bag, it’s…” “This is a tiny little one,” Mum says.  “It’s better – you don’t have to carry it.” […]

War And Peas*

“I’ve got a job for you,” Mum says. “What is it?” I say. “It’s your favourite job,” Mum says, in that excited tone of voice that she uses when she thinks she’s going to be able to persuade me to do something.  The tone of voice that means this is a fun thing I’ve invented […]

Morning Glory*

“Come and help me observe my new flowers,” Mum says.  “It’s a Gardening Which study: to observe them for ten minutes four times during the summer on a sunny day – between ten in the morning and four in the afternoon – and to record the number and species of butterflies that land on them.” […]

The Mystery of the Disappearing Cat*

“Did he follow you into your bedroom?” Mum says.  The fluffy monster was in the house but now he has disappeared, leaving nothing but a thick coating of orange fur all over my black top. “I was just in there for a few seconds,” I say.  “Not long enough for a huge person to squeeze […]

A Long Walk To Wimbledon*

“So critically important for Gasquet to hang in here and get a good start,” John McEnroe says.  A few seconds later Richard Gasquet drops his first service game of the match.  After seven minutes, Novak is 2 – 0 up.  Come on Richard! “It would be huge if Gasquet could sneak out this break here,” […]

Allergic Reaction*

“What are those ones?” I ask the allergy doctor.  I’m staring at my arm where the prick tests are starting to develop.  There are four which have erupted in red, itchy marks. “So those are house dust and both types of house dust mites – the country mite and the town mite – and…did you […]

A Hell Of A Dog*

“Hello,” I say to the Akita and his owner.  We’re at my pub: where I used to bring the chaps on all those dates last year. “Hi,” the owner says. “He’s amazing,” I say.  “What’s his name?” “He’s called Onyx,” the owner says.  He’s a skinny chap and Onyx himself is a large person.  Beautiful […]

Suspicion*

“Still no foil?”  Brother says, opening the oven. “No, sorry, forgot,” I say.  We have run out of aluminium foil and had forgotten all about this fact. Marin Cilic and Viktor Troicki are warming up at Queens.  Brother is making a stir fry.   After supper, we start watching Hitchcock’s Suspicion.  Joan Fontaine – ‘Lina’ – […]