The Figaro Murders*

“Right,” I say to Seb as he’s throwing his rucksack over his shoulder and preparing to leave.  “Am going to make a note that we’re up to The Flood episode in Season Six of Mad Men so…” “What – that’s the last one we’ve watched?” Seb says.  “I’m sorry that I’m not clearing up – […]

A Siege Of Bitterns*

“Tanya, it’s Seb,” Mum calls through the bathroom door. “Where?” I shout. “On the phone,” Mum calls. “On my way,” I shout, hauling myself out of the bath, pulling my towel round me. “So, the thing about garden birds is that they’re an artificially sustained population,” Mum is saying into the phone when I make […]

Sleepy Hollow*

“Hmmmm it’s a shame,” the doctor says, frowning, as he looks at my new mastectomy scar.  “It’s healed up well, apart from those corners.” The ends of the scar are red, raised and oozing pus. “So, I know it’s not terrible,” I say. “But I don’t see the plastic surgeon and the nurses till  Wednesday, […]

The Hidden Window Mystery*

Painventory: 1.  Bum ache: too much sitting today.  And the glute machine yesterday. 2.  Thigh pains from going up and down the stairs.  Well, exacerbated by that.  The pains date from many many many squats yesterday, plus two different sorts of leg press. Leg pressing a hundred kilograms at a time, for three sets of fifteen.  Doing […]

The Adventure Of The Six Napoleons*

“So, I’ve got an exam tomorrow,” Seb says, when he calls last night. “At what time – so I can send positive thoughts,” I say, although what I mean is: at what time – so I can text you to remind you to attend it.  Or: wonder if you know what time exam is.  Maybe check. […]

Game, Set and Murder*

  “What a beautiful person he is!  Happy day?xxx”   At the theatre, I’ve turned my phone on during the interval, and can see Seb’s message.  The ‘beautiful person’ referred to is, of course, the fluffy monster.  Sent Seb a couple of fluffy-monster-photos earlier in the day. Can’t reply though because in the ten minutes before the start of […]

Machines Of Easy Virtue*

Seb is engaged in a duel with the computer.  He is trying to sort out how to watch a film on the TV, using the HDMI cable.   “Look, I’ve got the screen bigger now, show you,” I say.  Am proud of my newfound ability to use the Screen button. “But the picture is not […]