Crash*

“Wow, Tanya, you made it,” Jenny says as she opens the door.  She seems pleased to see me: wrapping her arms round me she says  “So this is my flat.” Taking in the room with a panoramic gaze, I see baking trays laden with my favourite foods: carrots, houmous**, cucumber, apple slices.  Yum.  And some of my best […]

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How’s The Pain?

Current Physical Complaints: 1. Upper back pain – probably from sitting at office computer for two solid days: there’s a reason why I don’t go to work too often. 2. Headache – presumably from staring at screen for two days. See above. 3. Aching in thighs – from working legs in training, therefore good pain […]

In Bruges

Have a Date tonight: first one for a couple of weeks. Am nervous as he looks absolutely gorgeous in his photos. He’s half-Belgian/half-Danish: lots of shaggy brown hair, great cheekbones, wide mouth with naughty grin, hazel eyes. He’s not a Bright Young Thing either: this one is forty. A man of Experience. Works in telecoms […]

The Big Sleep

A couple of messages from the Twitcher over the weekend but still no date arranged. Never mind. Can’t see him or anyone else now till after my operation. “Just put him out of your mind,” my brother says. “He’ll text you when he wants to see you but until then, just forget about him.” So […]

Pond Life

I’m in a concert hall with a couple of my schoolfriends. There’s a huge pond in the middle of the auditorium chocked with pondweed and green with algae. There are huge koi and pike swimming in the murky depths of the pond. As I’m bending over to look at the fish, the softie falls out […]

Scar Tissue

“What’s that?” Suzie says, pointing at my chest. Looking down, I see that my softie has worked its way out of my bra and is about to dive into my supper. “Ah, it’s my fabric pretend boob,” I say, pushing it back inside my bra. It had better not do that on my second date […]

Regeneration

This morning, waking up in my own bed in the parental home, everything seems much better. There is an orange fluffy cheek rubbing against mine – my kitten has come to wake me up. “Good morning furry monster,” I say, stroking his soft head. “Meow,” he says, arching his back, his tail a question mark […]

Surfacing

Surfacing from the depths, I’m jolted into awareness.  There’s a mask on my face and I can’t breathe.  There are bright lights and voices and everything hurts.  Gasping and crying I thrash around. “Keep still,” a voice says.  “You’re in recovery.” Crying, I look down at my front, feel my chest and there’s a cavity […]

Death In Holy Orders?

“Hello beautiful xxx I’ll look forward to seeing you soon I hope xxx” the Captain’s What’s App message comes through at 10.22pm. So, the Captain either doesn’t read that newspaper or doesn’t read the section full of my mad, fat, cancerous dating self or doesn’t mind. Which is nice. “Yay! Thursday!” I reply, in case […]

Help!

The flat phone rings at an unearthly hour, jolting me out of a deep sleep. Ignoring the persistent ringing, I pull the covers up over my head and attempt to fall back to sleep. But this is not to be. The alarm kicks in, and I can’t ignore that on a Monday morning. Hauling myself […]