Surfacing

Surfacing from the depths, I’m jolted into awareness.  There’s a mask on my face and I can’t breathe.  There are bright lights and voices and everything hurts.  Gasping and crying I thrash around. “Keep still,” a voice says.  “You’re in recovery.” Crying, I look down at my front, feel my chest and there’s a cavity […]

Death In Holy Orders?

“Hello beautiful xxx I’ll look forward to seeing you soon I hope xxx” the Captain’s What’s App message comes through at 10.22pm. So, the Captain either doesn’t read that newspaper or doesn’t read the section full of my mad, fat, cancerous dating self or doesn’t mind. Which is nice. “Yay! Thursday!” I reply, in case […]

Help!

The flat phone rings at an unearthly hour, jolting me out of a deep sleep. Ignoring the persistent ringing, I pull the covers up over my head and attempt to fall back to sleep. But this is not to be. The alarm kicks in, and I can’t ignore that on a Monday morning. Hauling myself […]

Design For Living

“Operation on 21st. Please come on 18th? Hope 18th still possible?” I message Arjen on Facebook. Forty five minutes later, he messages me back. “I just booked. In on 18th and out on 19th.” “Yay! Can’t wait to see you!” I say. “I’m in the wrong business. I should have been a hotel owner in […]

Can You Feel The Love Tonight?

Apart from a potential second date with Jarvis – if it happens it will be only the second second date I’ve landed since the start of this blog – there is no Tinder action on the horizon. Cancelled Monday’s date due to the Cold-Of-Doom and am tempted not to rearrange it as he’s a thirty […]

The Adventure Of The Blue Carbuncle

It’s exhausting – this dating lark. And, of course, until one suddenly lands a boyfriend and can retire for a bit, it’s rejection, rejection, rejection all the way. Whilst I’m having a bit of a rest – can’t call it a breather as can’t really breathe due to the Cold-Of-Doom – will make a list […]

Ice Age

“You seem very bubbly and excited,” CatBoy says. He has two cats (good), is 31 (respectable) and is tanned, blond (nice) and 6 ft 7 (brilliant). “I’m excited to meet you,” I say, smiling at him. “You’re so lovely and tall. I’m a bit of a gigantophile – like Lord Rothschild – I like very […]

Foreign Bodies

“Do you always swipe right for younger guys?” the Czech 28 year old messages me. Let’s call him Vaclav. “Mainly,” I reply. “Do you prefer older ladies?” He’s not even That Much younger than me, this one. 28 is practically a grown-up. “I tend to find older women less boring, they are able to teach […]