The Omen

…We’re in Seb’s room, doing rude things. It seems to be going rather well – considering all his problems in that area (desire to be celibate etc). Suddenly he pulls away from me. “Sorry, Tanya, I need to meditate now,” he says. “You have to sleep in the room next door.” As he pushes his […]

The Chase

“Fluffy monster, where are you?” I call, tramping up and down the road for the tenth time. It’s 5.15pm – nearly dark. Been trying to get him in for nearly two hours now. Both the parentals are out. Mum will be so cross if he’s not in when she gets home. A flash of orange: […]

The Magic Mountain

“Am recuperating at parentals after an operation. You can take me out for lunch/ drinks/ dinner,” I message a chap on Tinder who lives near here. “Shouldn’t you rest?” He says. “Am doing plenty of resting. It would be nice to go out,” I tell him. “What is your PhD in?” “Fluid dynamics. Essentially I […]

Double Fault

If I don’t write this Right Now, I won’t manage a blog today, which would be terrible. Achieved Spin today for the first time in a while. It was good, but couldn’t push self very much as the-Cold-of-Doom is still very much in evidence. This impedes cycling fast, breathing, standing up in the saddle, pushing […]

Missing Parts

“I’m free on Thursday but I’d like to see you before then,” the Captain’s message arrives – finally – eleven hours after my reply to his previous message. Phew. He hasn’t gone off me already. A dull messaging discussion ensues in which it becomes clear that Thursday is indeed the earliest that we can meet […]

A Slight Ache

Writing this from bed. Not sure whether it is the antibiotics, this cold or a combination of the two making me too tired to do anything other than lie down. Have a scratchy throat and an earache too. My arms are sore from training earlier in the week. Am attempting to work up the energy […]

Autumn Almanac

“Is your surname Jacobs? Because you’re a real cracker!” the Tinder message flashes up. It’s from a new Bright Young Thing, aged 25. “Thank you. That made me smile, you cutie,” I reply. It does seem to have been busy overnight on my Tinder. There are many new messages this morning. Supposedly Sunday is Tinder […]


“Are you a little crazy by chance?” the What’s App message scrolls across my screen. It’s from a 31 year old Tinder chap who I’ve been chatting to. He works in TV, seems quite nice. “No, I’m completely mentally normal. Why?” I write back. “Just asking a question. You sure?” “Am lovely. Don’t be so […]

Foreign Bodies

“Do you always swipe right for younger guys?” the Czech 28 year old messages me. Let’s call him Vaclav. “Mainly,” I reply. “Do you prefer older ladies?” He’s not even That Much younger than me, this one. 28 is practically a grown-up. “I tend to find older women less boring, they are able to teach […]

New Bright Young Things

Now that I’m back in the country, The Bright Young Things are bombarding me with Tinder messages. This, from a 25 year old banker: Do you always swipe right on younger guys or am I a lucky one? Me: I like them quite young (plus dancing girl emoji) Him: Well I’m sure you have no […]