This Is Hardcore

“What would you like to drink?” the chap says, in a far more – I don’t know – cockney accent than I was expecting, or probably Mockney, come to think of it – the sort of accent Damon Albarn used to affect in the 90s. This one’s 36, 6 ft 4 and appears to be […]

Ice Age

“You seem very bubbly and excited,” CatBoy says. He has two cats (good), is 31 (respectable) and is tanned, blond (nice) and 6 ft 7 (brilliant). “I’m excited to meet you,” I say, smiling at him. “You’re so lovely and tall. I’m a bit of a gigantophile – like Lord Rothschild – I like very […]

Crazy?

“Are you a little crazy by chance?” the What’s App message scrolls across my screen. It’s from a 31 year old Tinder chap who I’ve been chatting to. He works in TV, seems quite nice. “No, I’m completely mentally normal. Why?” I write back. “Just asking a question. You sure?” “Am lovely. Don’t be so […]