A Royal Pain*

“No, dear, you have to give the stag four of the biscuits for his lunch,” Prince Philip says.  “Look: dig up a few more.”  He pushes his trowel into the ground and unearths a couple more of the biscuits which appear to be a cross between rice cakes and weetabix.  They are orange and flat […]

I Dream Of Murder*

“Oh, I’ve always smoked a lot of weed. I don’t find that it affects me at all,” the girl says.  We’re sitting at a wooden table in The Stables restaurant of the local country club.  The ceiling is beamed.  Looking around, this is so weird, I think.  Next to the girl is her mother on […]

Black Mist*

They’re filming Black Mist: apparently it’s a Poirot novel although I’ve never heard of it, which is strange and unsettling as I’m sure I know all of them.  There’s a large cast.  The plot revolves around a gang of girls in their early twenties, which is unusual.  One of these girls is involved with a […]

The Omen

…We’re in Seb’s room, doing rude things. It seems to be going rather well – considering all his problems in that area (desire to be celibate etc). Suddenly he pulls away from me. “Sorry, Tanya, I need to meditate now,” he says. “You have to sleep in the room next door.” As he pushes his […]

Pond Life

I’m in a concert hall with a couple of my schoolfriends. There’s a huge pond in the middle of the auditorium chocked with pondweed and green with algae. There are huge koi and pike swimming in the murky depths of the pond. As I’m bending over to look at the fish, the softie falls out […]