A Kind Of Alaska*

Back at the gym, I gaze out of the window. Darkness falls and the gym ceiling lights are reflected in the glass: throwing yellow oblongs on the slate grey sky. On the television screen, a flock of cranes take off and glide past a mountain range. Must be Natural World. Here’s a polar bear. Maybe […]

Blood Eagle

Lying in bed, reminiscing about my time with Seb earlier in the week. Ah I wish he was still here. Am plotting a trip to see him. Will book a hotel though: can’t stay with him just in case he is still sleeping on a reed mat on the floor, as in his monastery days. […]

A Kiss Before Dying

Things I love about Seb: 1. He’s always appreciative of any effort I make. He pronounced the Mexican Feast “wonderful”. 2. He’s easy to please – see above, and notices what I’m wearing etc. 3. He’s happy just to lie in the nest watching hours and hours of television. 4. He is completely beautiful – […]

Hard Evidence

“I’m so terribly, terribly sorry,” Seb says, his gaze sheepish as he drags a huge bag through the front door of the flat. He may well have a body in there: it’s that huge. “You’re here now,” I say, wrapping my arms around him, inhaling his musty woodland scent of clothes-he-walks-the-dogs-in. There’s toothpaste in there, […]

The Black Minutes*

Waiting for Seb. He calls: “I’m terribly sorry,” he says. “My TomTom lost its signal and I seem to be near Croydon and…” “OK, so what time do you think you’ll be here,” I say. Looking at my watch, I see that it’s two o’clock, the time that he was meant to arrive. “Well the […]

Spring Awakening*

Suddenly, spring is in the air.  It’s mid-February and there may well be further cold snaps ahead, but on the walk to my bus stop this morning, the earth is awakening from its slumber.  There are purple crocuses out and a blackbird flies past with twigs in his beak: nest-building is underway.  And so, my […]

Wild At Heart

“Helllllooo Tanya,” Seb’s voice drawls in my voicemail. “I’ve just dropped some assignments off at college and…” Hitting ‘3’ to save the message – I love to listen to his voice again and again – I call back. “Helloooo,” he says, answering the phone. He sounds happy to hear from me. “Hi,” I say. “Sorry: […]

The Omen

…We’re in Seb’s room, doing rude things. It seems to be going rather well – considering all his problems in that area (desire to be celibate etc). Suddenly he pulls away from me. “Sorry, Tanya, I need to meditate now,” he says. “You have to sleep in the room next door.” As he pushes his […]