The Anniversary Man*

“I got you a little something, for our anniversary and Valentine’s Day,” I say to Seb when he calls yesterday. “When’s Valentine’s Day?” Seb says. “February 14th,” I say.  Surely he ought to know this, but then again maybe it’s a good sign that he doesn’t: it means he hasn’t been wining and dining a […]

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The Cutting Season*

“Hello Tanya,” my plastic surgeon says, beaming his huge smile.  “How are you?” “It’s been ages,” I say, smiling back at him, sitting at the desk opposite him.  “It’s nice to see you.” “Have you been keeping well?” He says. “So, I’ve got to have some more surgery,” I say.   “Yes, I’ve been talking […]

November Patriots*

Walking to my bus stop in the fog this morning, I compile a list of things-to-look-forward-to in November:  Autumnwatch starts tonight. New series of Peep Show starts 11th November. Have two new A-line skirts, a brown suede-look one and a black one.  Can wear them with tights and boots. Longer nights mean that the fluffy […]

Mystery Of The White Room*

“Hi there,” my surgeon says, opening the door of her consulting room.  She looks lovely: her sleek dark hair tumbling down her back. “Hello,” I say, throwing my arms around her, kissing her on the cheek.  “It’s lovely to see you.” “Hello,” Mum says, smiling. We follow her into the room and take our seats […]

Until Friday Night*

“Aren’t you going to get changed?” Mum says, looking at my purple vest top and black gym trousers. “No,” I say.  We’re about to set off for the hospital to see my breast surgeon. “But don’t you want to look nice for Seb?” Mum says.  Seb is coming to the parentals for dinner. “It’s not […]

When The Temperature Rises*

The flat phone rings at 4.38pm. “Hello,” I say. “Hello my lovely,” Seb says. “How did you know I was here?” I say.  “It’s Monday.  I ought to be at the office.  I mean – I was at the office but I came home because I’ve got a temperature and…” “Oh yes,” Seb says.  “I […]

Turtle Baby*

Happy Bipolar Awareness Day everyone! Am aware of my mental disorder everyday, of course.  So are my parentals and my brother.  There’s never a day that isn’t dominated by my mood – even after sixteen years of illness, treatment, coping strategies and so on. When my mood is up – which is around 60% of […]

A Running Duck*

The flat phone rings.  “Hello?” I say. “Hello my lovely,” Seb says. My heart lifts as I hear his voice.  “My darling,” I say.  “How are things?”  Carrying the phone back to my bedroom, I crawl into bed. “Not too bad,” he says.  “Although we’ve just had a class on graphs and spreadsheets and I’m […]

An Event In Autumn*

“You probably shouldn’t have gone,” Mum says.  We’re driving back to the flat.  It’s raining. “But I thought that I’d be able to help Seb pack up the flat,” I say.  “Forgot that when my mood is low I can’t do that much and that mess and disorder paralyse me and that…” “It must have […]

A Psychiatrist, Screams*

“So how are you, Tanya?” Dr Stein says, pen poised above the paper.  This is his current folder of my notes.  He must have hundreds of these folders, dating back over the last seventeen years. “Well, my mood is still low,” I say.  “But I’m doing what I have to do: work, the blog, exercise. […]