The Beauty Of Murder*

“Would you like a little wheelie suitcase?” Mum says as we sit having our lunch.  “I’ll ask your father to get it down from the loft and…” “No, it’s OK,” I say.  “I’ve got that weekend bag, it’s…” “This is a tiny little one,” Mum says.  “It’s better – you don’t have to carry it.” […]

Night Of The Jaguar*

Back at the flat and am going to write this now, before my afternoon sleep, as when wake up will need to: 1.  Unload dishwasher. 2.  Put washing away. 3.  Make supper: probably The Omelette. 4.  Prepare self for the Office tomorrow. The panther lies sprawled across my bed, taking up most of it.  Am […]

War And Peas*

“I’ve got a job for you,” Mum says. “What is it?” I say. “It’s your favourite job,” Mum says, in that excited tone of voice that she uses when she thinks she’s going to be able to persuade me to do something.  The tone of voice that means this is a fun thing I’ve invented […]

The Go-Between*

“Hello lovely!”  Seb’s message comes through at 7.35am this morning.  “Happily ensconced in the forest.  You won’t believe how fast the Bodhi trees I planted (less than two years ago) have grown.  One was a cutting of about 6 inches tall which is now 8 foot!!  Hope you’re well my lovely xxx” Ah he’s adorable. […]

Morning Glory*

“Come and help me observe my new flowers,” Mum says.  “It’s a Gardening Which study: to observe them for ten minutes four times during the summer on a sunny day – between ten in the morning and four in the afternoon – and to record the number and species of butterflies that land on them.” […]

The Fugitive Pigeon*

“How is my fluffy?” I ask Mum when I call to let the parentals know that have made it to my Office.  If I don’t call, they just assume that am Still In Bed or have snuck off to the gym. “He’s a very naughty boy,” Mum says, in her Teacher Voice. “What has he […]

The Mystery of the Disappearing Cat*

“Did he follow you into your bedroom?” Mum says.  The fluffy monster was in the house but now he has disappeared, leaving nothing but a thick coating of orange fur all over my black top. “I was just in there for a few seconds,” I say.  “Not long enough for a huge person to squeeze […]

Allergic To Death*

“So, that’s an eclectic collection of tablets that you’re taking,” the allergy doctor says, in a slow, kind voice.  We’re sitting in his high-ceilinged-book-lined consulting room.  There’s a clay bust of a unicorn on the windowsill.   Gazing at Harold Macmillan and The Cecils and Napoleon I say: “Yes, well I’m on carbamazepine and duloxetine […]

A Hell Of A Dog*

“Hello,” I say to the Akita and his owner.  We’re at my pub: where I used to bring the chaps on all those dates last year. “Hi,” the owner says. “He’s amazing,” I say.  “What’s his name?” “He’s called Onyx,” the owner says.  He’s a skinny chap and Onyx himself is a large person.  Beautiful […]

The Triple Petunia Murder Case*

“I like my colour scheme, don’t you?” Mum says.  We’re sitting on the terrace in the parental garden, and all around us are petunias of different pinks and purples:         “They’re stunning,” I say.  “What about those pink-and-green-ones from last year?” “Couldn’t get any this year,” Mum says.  “Asked at the garden centre, but […]