Luckiest Girl Alive*

Survived the operation.  Will write more tomorrow. Before:        After: The nipple has gone as that’s where ductal carcinoma originates I think. Am pleased with the way my chest looks I think, although: 1. 3 drains in. 2.  Pain: so much. 3. Catheter. 4.  No fluffy monster here. 5.  No Mr Fluffypants. 6.   […]

The Longest Day*

“Would you like some breakfast?” Mum asks the fluffy monster.  Am not allowed any breakfast as will be Operation soon.  It’s 6.15am.  Have been awake since 5am.  Feeling sick but am forcing down some water and am allowed to take my morning Meds. The fluffy monster is saying that he wants to go outside in […]

The Night Before*

My nails look very sad without any varnish.  Have removed it so they can see whether or not am dead in the operation – nails will go blue if am dead I think.   Am just doing a quick blog now, in case don’t have time to bash one out before the operation tomorrow. Setting […]

Before Sunrise*

“Why am I not allowed to sleep?” MadFatRunner texts at 2.37am.  See the message when wake up and switch on phone at 4.07. “Nor me.  Just woke up,” I message back.  Am anxious about the operation which is Tomorrow now.  Argh. No answering message from her, so let’s hope she’s sleeping now. Am writing this […]

Wolf Winter*

“Thank you so much, my darling,” I say, as Seb pulls over outside my Office this morning.  My darling boy has driven me to work on his way back to the other side of the country. “That’s quite alright, my lovely,” Seb says, smiling at me, his turquoise eyes bright. “Not just for driving me […]

The Postman Always Rings Twice*

A while ago I wrote an article on the language surrounding severe illness.  There is a section on What Not To Say to someone with cancer or another life-threatening illness.  Anyway: various people commented along the lines of “that’s all very well, but what helps?  What would you, or your parents or brother like us […]

How’s The Pain?

Current Physical Complaints: 1. Upper back pain – probably from sitting at office computer for two solid days: there’s a reason why I don’t go to work too often. 2. Headache – presumably from staring at screen for two days. See above. 3. Aching in thighs – from working legs in training, therefore good pain […]

Not Dead, Only Resting

“How are you today?” My plastic surgeon says, beaming his huge smile. “Yeah, OK I think,” I say. “Oh, I’m sorry – I forgot my device. Mum’s just signing in – there was a queue and…” “Don’t worry, Tanya, I’ve got a spare one,” the nurse says, reaching into the depths of her trolley and […]

The Trick Is To Keep Breathing

I’ve been suffering for a worrying problem for the last few weeks. It’s been such an embarrassment that I’ve been unable to talk or write about it. Hopefully it’s over now. If not, I’ve definitely made some progress towards recovery. For several weeks now I’ve been unable to read. This is bad for many reasons: […]

Queen’s Gambit

“You like Magnus Carlsen, nice!” The Tinder message flashes across my screen. It’s from a new Bright Young Thing, age 31, so not even very young. He’s got brown hair and blue eyes. Good cheekbones. “I do,” I reply. “The red dress in your picture is very nice. Do you play chess?” He says. Ah. […]