The Omen

…We’re in Seb’s room, doing rude things. It seems to be going rather well – considering all his problems in that area (desire to be celibate etc). Suddenly he pulls away from me. “Sorry, Tanya, I need to meditate now,” he says. “You have to sleep in the room next door.” As he pushes his […]

Message In A Bottle

“Hello! I am really hoping to get up to London soon, and my term finishes in not too long now, so either way will be able to visit properly soon. How are you my darling? So sorry not to be in touch, have been having homework meltdown! xxx” Switching my phone on this morning, I […]

Pond Life

I’m in a concert hall with a couple of my schoolfriends. There’s a huge pond in the middle of the auditorium chocked with pondweed and green with algae. There are huge koi and pike swimming in the murky depths of the pond. As I’m bending over to look at the fish, the softie falls out […]

Scar Tissue

“What’s that?” Suzie says, pointing at my chest. Looking down, I see that my softie has worked its way out of my bra and is about to dive into my supper. “Ah, it’s my fabric pretend boob,” I say, pushing it back inside my bra. It had better not do that on my second date […]

Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

Now that the party season is nearly upon us, am going to make a list of other-locations-to-meet-chaps, in real life that is, rather than online. 1. The Street: A place full of men. Everywhere has one. Just step out of the front door of home, office, hospital and there it is. This is a particular […]

Everything Changes?

I’m not quite sure what’s happening exactly but I think I’m falling out of love with Tinder. It’s been almost six months now, and it was fun at the start and the dates have continued to be enjoyable – apart from a few notable exceptions. However, it’s been almost all first dates – as I’ve […]

Happy Monday!

Messages continue to be batted back and forth with the Twitcher but still no second date has been arranged. Fingers crossed it will be soon though. Didn’t make it onto Tinder yesterday as we had people over at the flat for lunch, then went to sleep about 3.30pm and didn’t wake up till 8.15am this […]

Dial M For Murder

I’m writing this on my New Phone. It is gold. Sadly it’s not gold all over, just on the back and around the edges and not a very bright gold anyway. Never mind: it’s here and I’m back on Tinder. Tragically I’ve lost all my Stuff: all my contacts, over 2000 baby photos of the […]


This morning, waking up in my own bed in the parental home, everything seems much better. There is an orange fluffy cheek rubbing against mine – my kitten has come to wake me up. “Good morning furry monster,” I say, stroking his soft head. “Meow,” he says, arching his back, his tail a question mark […]

I Like It Here

I’m meeting Arjen at 6pm. It’s 5.55pm now. The bus streaks past me and comes to a standstill as the lights turn red. Now’s my chance, I think, picking up speed, running after it and then…argh. There’s the sound of wrenching and tearing as the front strap of my sandal breaks. Ah, this is why […]