Love You To Death*


“Hope you’re getting on OK.  I’m sure you are xx”  Seb texts at 2.04pm yesterday.  Ahhhhhh my darling boy.

“Am.  Thank you.  You?”  I say.

“I’m fine.  Just got back home.  Speak soon xx” he says.

“Just got home at last.  Had such a lovely time, thank you xxx” I text him at 7.57pm.

“Me too.  How was the day in the end?”  He says.

“Worked hard and was all fine.  You?”  I say.  It was a tough day at the Office on so little sleep, but he doesn’t need to know that.

“No, not worked hard!  Still I have more time available now, so it will be fine,” he says.  He has been doing a job that is now finished.   “Been watching footage of Jacqueline Du Pre.  Amazing!  Well done today xx”

He’s so adorable.



“This is so exciting,” MadFatRunner says when I call at 8.11am this morning to say I’m out of the house.  “I’m not sure that you have time to go to the gym. It will be interesting to see.”

So: it’s 8.40am.  I’m writing this from the bike at the gym.  As long as am on my way by 9am, that gives me an hour to get to the Office.  It ought to be possible: five minutes on the train and then thirty or so on the bus.  Let’s see.

The gym is stuffed full of people who must believe that they can fit in a workout before a day of work/ study/ other.  They huff and puff and thud on the treadmills.  There are twenty of us in this bike/ treadmill/ step machine section alone.  The whatever-ghastly-racket-it-is attempts to drown out my thoughts.  Ate my breakfast omelette this morning whilst watching video on my phone of Jacqueline DuPre playing Bach and felt all inspired to do…something.  It’s such a shame that the gym makes us listen to such rubbish.

Writing this now from my Office.  Arrived at 10am.  On time.


“Your blog.”  The Facebook message comes through last night from a male chum.  “Maybe, the raison d’etre of the blog has been fulfilled, and hence you should most certainly NOT be going on dates with other “chaps” now you have someone you are seeing in a more serious fashion… The blog, as I had understood it, in its current guise, was designed to a) help you deal with your illness, b) help you do normal stuff and c) promote awareness/help others feel less shit who are in a similar position/have some shared experience.

You now have a “boyfriend” so the dating regime has kind of been successful (albeit you didn’t meet him on a blog date) – but nonetheless, it has served its purpose. In my STRONGLY HELD view – the blog should of course continue to chart your life as you deal with “stuff” – but having a boyfriend is a natural consequence of dating – so it should continue to cover that – but it doesn’t follow that you are still required to date infinite chaps… And, ad infinitum…

My thoughts, post two strong beers in Zurich airport.”

“Thank you,” I say.

“I am wise.  And a bit hammered,” he says.

So: in momentous news:

1.  Have deleted Tinder from my phone.

2.  Have deleted OK Cupid.


Happy Tuesday everyone!



*subtitled ‘A Story of Sex, Betrayal and Murder Gone Wrong’.  True crime book by Megan Norris, 2014.





6 thoughts on “Love You To Death*

  1. Music at the gym. Bane of every gym rat’s life, surely. I’ve complained about the racket at my cheapo gym to no avail. I’m enjoying catching up on your blog though. You write beautifully. Obvs xx

    Liked by 1 person

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